fucking hormones

HAHAHAHAHA the hell yesterday i was feeling like shit but now i feeel so gooooood

oh anyway he came recently but left again hahaha i realised i don't love him as much anymore because he's a whiny ass. wanted to say whiny bitch but he isn't a bitch so. maybe i'm not ready to have a dog afterall! but it seems that my mummy and my sister like the idea of having a dog around that goes wowowowowo all day long damn annoying. my dad...i think he's secretly afraid of dogs hahaha

today was jap wow it was wow
whatevsssss yknow what i'm not going to check my results when it comes out hahahaa
it's better to not know sometimes yeah
so i told my sister and she was like HOW CAN YOU LIVE LIKE THAT
so i was like WHY CAN'T I
aiyahhh there'll be a way out eventually

I WANNA BE A BARTENDER OMG
i told my sister and my mum and my sister was like NO and my mum was like really???
then she asked me where hahahaha hmmm if i'm gonna be a bartender i wanna work at a gay bar so HOW DO I TELL HER...let's think about this next time
i always use the future to escape the past i've already got my timetable for next sem planned HAHAHA

sucky

2 down 3 more to go yo, i'll be free from next tuesday onwards woohoooo
not free as in physically free but mentally free because i will still be busy hahaha

on the downside...
my mind is in a horrible state currently
it's replaying so many unnecessary images i can't even, ugh i guess i'll never get over it
i feel so disgusted, but i know i shouldn't be because it's none of my business
how do i detach myself again? nvm, i will manage, i always do. i don't care, i don't care.

EXAMS

omg i've went through 13 years of this shit I'VE HAD ENOUGH but omg tomorrow's paper please be nice to me i can't remember shit

PEEKTURES

I NEED PEEKTURES ON HERE because it's all text and nothing else but i'm too lazy to transfer my phone peektures here so whatevs. omg yknow it's one month to the end of this sem!!! and then it'll be trips after trips hohoho can't wait man. anw I've liked over 4000 things on tumblr

ATM Machine

AHAHAHAHA something funneh just happened omg I have nEVER BEEN SO PROUD OF MYSELF

so we were doing our brochures for 204


okay not important

anyway we were sharing it to allow others to give feedback

and and nobody spotted this error
i was feeling so proud about it so i told chewew

live laugh love

why does this font look so ugly on windows?

if only things weren't so complicated then maybe i probably would consider trying to go for it. ha who am i kidding, i would go for it in a heartbeat

but no.

live laugh love, folks

one more

okay one more person to tell before I'm done with this shittttttt. :)


and then JUDGE ME ALL YOU WANT OKAY it's not like I can do anything about it SHRUGSSSS.

NYJC

life is a rollercoaster yay now i'm feeling fine again

i think it's just because of the speech module boohoo but yay it's over ONE MORE LEFT HEHE I CAN'T BELIEVE I WENT THROUGH ALL THESE :')

anyway i just came across jayesslee's cover of payphone when i was browsing youtube and and and officially missing you will still always be my favourite cover because ahhh memories :') oh tomorrow's uniform day! nyjc i love you :) not really a fan of the uniform though

i wanted to borrow a cooler uniform then i remembered that most of my closer friends were from ny. ahhhh.

if i could take 'a' levels all over again,

uni life

it isn't the greatest but before i start complaining about it i shall document it with some happy pictures?

orh hor

oh wait before i orh hor myself happy birthday papa omg despite his little little flaws he's sucha great man he's so handsome and shitz i just thanked him for doing all kinds of shit for our family all these years and he texted back saying that that's what he's supposed to do omg :') tearing

i texted 'cause he's in thailand and it's so weird to say face to face hahahaha but really i'm very thankful for every single member in my family they're so nice to me what did i do to deserve them tearing again :') i'm a lucky little shit :') sometimes i'd get annoyed by really little things that they do but i love them a lot like really i'm grateful and i hope they know that i really do appreciate it a lot i love them omg tearing :') even though they treat me like an ignorant little shit sometimes and think that i'm incapable of anything :'( which makes me annoyed and sad because i do know some things...but there are some truths in that i can't blame them for thinking that way...all my life i've been telling them i just wanna earn like $1000 per month hahaha or recently i've been asking my dad to set up a business when he retires so i wouldn't have to worry about finding a job...or persuading my sister to open a cafe after graduating for the same reason. basically i just want to leech off them omg why am i like that :'( sigh they're so nice to me and when anything happens i know i have a safety net hearts omg blogger screwed up my post can't remember what i originally typed something like i may hate people hate school hate life but i'll love them 5eva hehe


and finally....

yes orh hor myself i did something wrong don't judge please folks it's not wrong as in wrong wrong but wrong as in eww wrong

butttttt i'm not hating myself for it because it was an experience i guess hahaha omg i'm sucha positive human being. please come to me folks i'll bring you rainbows and sunshine all the time

yesterday was an....eventful day. had project meeting from morning to evening i'm so gonna regret everything i did in the video for shureeeeee but blah whatevs since it's over oreri. then after that i went to meet up with two people who missed me a lot aww hahahhaahahahahaha and i'm so happy to learn something and know that my instinct was once again CORRECTO. good job van. but someone else was happier i'm looking at you gohchewew her face was omg stupiak. after dinner was



bleh bleh bleh

i'm such an asshole i'm going to dress up as an asshole for halloween

0 <<<<< me.

i love my friends who accept me for the 0 that i am
thank you for judging me but still loving me awwwwwww

exercise books

oh my hahaha i was finding an exercise book to practise my jap then i found lotsa interesting stuff

basically i can never go past 10 pages of an exercise book.

as for keeping a written diary, it's never going to happen. there's this 'diary' that started off with me promising that i would commit to keeping a diary on the 1st of october 2009. after 5 days there were no more entries. then on the 17th of october i had this entry with illegible shitty handwriting hating myself because i didn't keep to my promise so i told myself i would do it and i'm willing to. but that was the last entry on my exercise book hahahahaha c'est la vie. this happens with all of my diaries/blogs. i have so manyyyyy but i don't commit myself to anyyyy.

for those with notes on them, they last a little longer. maybe 10 pages? then i'll see something with a heading and then a blank page follows. how did i ever study for anything?

and yes i got distracted again. sigh i've learnt to accept myself for who i am.

Dear Diary,

I have a diary. I started writing on the first day of University because I wanted to document my life and improve my writing. But I think I'm missing the point because I don't really write down every single detail of whatever happened in that week, due to my paranoia.

What can I do? Should I just do a recount of everything that happens? Then when I read in it future I'll think back about how I felt at that moment. But what if someone sees it? Hmm. I should just be more careful with it. Yep, recounting it is. That was what I did with my secondary school blog. Today I went to...blah blah...something happened...I felt happy. Something like that.

YEP just did my diary entry for the day omg it took so long to finish. Recounting isn't easy! But I guess it'll be a good read for the future me! Also for the future me I should write down a fact about myself everyday.

some negative shit

is this where i crumble and fall?

OVERRRRR

IT'S OVER IT'S OVER IT'S OVER OMFG IT'S OVER

woohoohooo
okay nothing much i just submitted my 204 assignment that's all. now, now should i partayyyeeee? 'cause it's recess week woohoohoo

oh just now i got a free zinger burger at kfc because they got the order wrong omg small things like this make me happy. so i ate a zinger burger, a roasta burger, a piece of breast meat, cheese fries and YUMZ. SO MUCH CHICKEN. but i think i'm falling sick soon yesterday my throat was already burning but whatever life's like that you're supposed to fall sick now and then. DOWHATCHUWANTWHILEYOUCAN. okay actually no because i'm a coward :(

Home.

hot shower on a rainy day with a throbbing headache = heaven on earth
every week when i come back home i feel like i'm in bliss ahhhhhhhhhh my house is so comfortable

my mum can't tell stories or jokes or write articles people would just leave
she just told us tavia yeung got photographed in a car with someone so my sister and I were like oh then WHO's the someone then she went silent for one minute while my sister continued asking WHO'S THE SOMEONE then my mum was like oh tavia yeung got photographed in a car with a guy. and then we were like okay but WHO. then she went on to say that tavia yeung was in a car with a guy and they were 'misbehaving' yes she used the word 'misbehaving'. lolol so my sister was like omg mummy you don't have to use words like this we're not 5. then 2 minutes later my mum asked me how to spell tavia and that's the end of the story. i have no idea who she got photographed with thank you mummy.


why am I still on the Internet when my head is killing me

I'm a masochist

^^^^ elaborate next time

i need to sleep

home sweet home hearts

Realisation.

As blank as my expressions are, deep down inside I'm a bitter human being. It's a good thing that my emotions don't manifest themselves. If not I'll be walking around like >:(

oh wait

to-do list for myself

• Get myself a planner. Oh wait I have one. Okay not really that’s blank. I need to get one with dates and all that shit.
• Print my shit. Not literally.
• Read 201 because of reasons.
• Dig out my Chinese-English dictionary.
• Interview someone for quotes (204 assignment)…or not.
• アイウエオ、カキクケコ、サシスセソ
• Clothes. Back to the freaking hall.

Back to listening to happy songs to cheer myself up a little.


hohoho or maybe it's just because my blood's coming again oh what an ass
okay let me hide in a corner hide in a corner allie moss let me take your hand~we'll hide in a corner we'll hide till it's over till it's all over :'(

Pomelo or Orange?

If I ever give birth to anything I'll name it Orange I don't care if no one takes him/her seriously hohoho I can imagine the situation already

"Hi what's your name?"
"Orange"
pfftchchchchkkkkekekeke

Actually pomelo sounds better omg which one dilemma

There was once my sister and I were complaining about how our names were so common like commoners so we were talking about how we would name our children in future then I came out with these if I marry a fellow Ng:
Pineapple Ng Li
Rita Ng Li ta
Cucumber Ng Gwa

sigh how lame can I get

let's hope that I don't have children ever

hahahah shit imagine if I gave birth to orange or pomelo

WHAT IF THEY WERE TWINS

AND WERE BORN ON 1 JAN

AND THEY GO ON THE NEWS

THEN I'LL WRITE MY OWN ARTICLE AND IT'LL BE LIKE
Pomelo and Orange came out of Ms Ng's vagina on 12am, 1 January 2092

Physical Appearance

This week's 201 lecture was engaging and entertaining. I always found non-verbal communication to be much more intriguing than verbal, so I've already read about the things she mentioned, but it was still interesting to have an insight of what my schoolmates thought.

About physical appearance...does physical appearance matter to me? Yes, yes it does. I know I always stress that I'm not superficial so let me explain myself.

I am fascinated by beauty. I love facial features and I love noses. I don't know if we are predisposed to finding certain proportions attractive, or socialised into thinking that some things are more attractive than the others, but I do get attracted by some people more than the others. Sometimes there's this magical pull when you look at a certain someone and you feel a connection immediately, and it makes you question whether it's physiognomy. That's the initial drive that makes me want to talk to someone. But I wouldn't anyway because I'm me, so what's the point. So it only matters to me in a way in which I'll feel like talking to you. But yknow, feel like talking isn't really talking.

However, I don't base my judgements of a person on his or her physical appearance alone. There are some people who most find pretty/handsome, but I don't really feel the same. On the other hand there are some who objectively speaking, isn't really that pretty, but they are beautiful and irresistible to me. Maybe I've subconsciously taken their personalities into consideration.But then again, that might just be the way they portray themselves to a crowd so I normally decide whether I would want to know this person more after I really get to communicate with them on a personal basis. Having a good personality makes all the difference. My attraction for someone would instantly grow if they share my views and have certain qualities, even if they aren't physically appealing to me. I really think that their good inner qualities would manifest themselves physically and somehow they'll look beautiful to me suddenly and it's inexplicable. So...normally how would I know whether I'm attracted to someone? I know it when I feel the urge to chew on their faces and lick them all over. HAHAHA.

In conclusion, I don't think that attraction is based on physical appearance. It's a combination of factors. Physical appearance can only go as far as making me want to talk to you but not really talking so it doesn't matter just come and talk to me and be nice I love nice people hohoho.

about sharing

recently i realised that i lost my ability to share. you know those self intro ice breaking stuff you do during the first tutorial? i think i'd need to plan ahead and prepare a script for it or something. i was in a group setting a few days ago and i was required to share a unique thing about myself, and i realised that i couldn't think of any. normally in events like these i wouldn't even bother to think, but this time i was actually employing my mind trying very hard to come up with something...and i still couldn't. so...i wondered why i couldn't think of anything. and then i figured out why. it's probably because i don't share enough and so my brain doesn't recollect anything when i'm trying to. so here i am, trying to remind myself of the things i did when i was young(er). i think i have trust issues though, i can't seem to share anything to anybody. superficial things yes, but those honest feelings? no. deep deep down inside...ah never mind, it's acting up again. it's okay though, i shall try recollecting events first. so...what's so unique about myself? to be honest i have no unique qualities because liking music and playing guitar isn't unique but maybe they're just using the term unique loosely. seriously though, i do things that everyone does so what's so unique about me?! or let's not use the word unique. i shall try interesting...what's so interesting about me?! sadly i don't do many things out of the norm so i can't say that i climb mountains or communicate with monkeys...i just...use the internet a lot. oh gosh why am i so boring. hmm maybe...maybe i could say that i like to smell things, even if it's smelly i still feel compelled to do it. yup that's about it. ugh my self introduction would suck so much. i feel like i've got so much to do tomorrow so bye for now :(

school stuff

i think i need to start writing some legit stuff because i've forgotten how to construct a proper sentence with fullstops and similar...stuff omg did i just use stuff twice OH SHIT I DID what's happening anw i heard from people that my school is kinda competitive so well all the best to me i think i'll just curl up into a big ball and die. what am i going to do with my essays? i'm going to be competing with all the...never mind i'll just compete with myself :):):) as for the roommate part, the excitement is over dun dun dun I'VE GOT A ROOMMATE! she's a friend of my friend. who technically is a friend of my friend. so she's a friend's friend's friend. how cool is that.

why

why do i always type long posts and end up deleting them. i clearly have issues and things to hide.

free as my hair

lol i think i like to make myself have no time for anything when i'm busy. and when i'm free, i'll just do nothing. i know this how? just looked through my tumblr archives and realised that during a levels i was still tumblring all day errrryday and after a's suddenly my tumblr posts stopped. about a's...it's not brilliant but i'd like to thank the flying spaghetti monster for my results. i've been talking about getting into one school during my entire jc life and when i got accepted in the end i accepted another school instead. life is weird. nah, people change. or grow.

i've got so many things to update oh gosh what an interesting life i have. work ended, pls celebrate. i typed some shitz during work i think it adds up to 10000+ words hohoho i hope my future employers don't see this, but anw i'm just extremely efficient; i finish everything before the deadline so i have time to space out/close my eyes/type shitz etc. i saved that shit in a usb for future viewing i'll probably post in soon just because 8)

it's interesting how i hate stupidity in humans but i love it when dogs are dumb. yes i'm talking about you rusty the dumb dog. he's so cute tho. btw gaga=awesome. gagax2=? fucking awesomeeee. i find the word fuck sexy. but i don't use it often unless i'm trying to be sexy HAAAAAAAA

omfg FIERCE

why is it so hot nowadays.

life is actually fun to think about, there are so many aspects of it for you to explore. why do people/animals think/act the way they do, how/why things work; like when i take off my glasses during the car trip at night, i see little fireworks errrywhere. okay basically i can't see shit except for some blurred out lights; the street lights become smth like this

but in orange. it's so buh-you-tee-fulllll. WHAT A LOVELY SIGHT. people with perfect eyesight can't experience this TOO BAD. or like, why do rusty hump his towel/why is it still so hot/ etc etc. so fun to think about.

btw i think i'll never say never (oohh like justin beaver), okay i'll try not to say never, and absolute words like always/not ever/etc etc. 'cause who knows what will happen in future? or maybe i should phrase it properly like AT THIS MOMENT I FEEL THAT I PROBABLY WOULD NEVER just in case i say NEVER EVER and it comes back to bite me in the ass in future. but then again, who cares. hurrrr. i'll dance dance dance with my hands hands hands above my head head head DUM DUM DAH DAH DAH DUM DUM DAH DAH DAH DUM DUM DAH DAH DAH

i think i'm nice.

hmm, might as well.

my job is so boring idk how anyone could get past a month. well i'm getting there tho, just a day and a week more. gogogo van. got my first pay slip a week ago i think and ohhhhh the satisfaction. but okay i gave more than half away to my sister 'cause i had to pay for my gaga tickets, yes tickets with an s hohoho. back to what i was saying, i don't think i'd ever get a job just for the pay because omg you don't live your life like this. if you're not enjoying your job in the morning you'd just be counting down to lunch, then after lunch you'd be counting down to the end of the day, and the whole time you'd be counting down to the end of the week, the end of the month, the end of the year and when does it really end? at least for now i'm only counting down to next friday. but it already feels like a whole decade. so how do people do it? i ask people why they do what they do for a living, and whether it's what they wanted to do itfp, and most of the answers are no. so i ask them why. most of them are providers for their families, so the income had to come from somewhere. these are noble, noble people. there's no way i'm going to give up my dream just for my kids. shrugs, people live their lives the way they want to, and it all boils down to what you feel is important in your life i guess. i can't understand, but this doesn't negate its value. still don't think i'd ever understand. it's your life. i might lol@your life but it's still yours.

speaking of which i don't think i'm one to judge quickly, i personally think i'm open to a lot of things, but apparently i can't stand certain things in my life. disliking something, is this a choice or is this involuntary. i guess it's largely involuntary, i don't think you can choose to dislike something, like i dislike celery, i just do, it's not because i actively choose to dislike it. is this the same issue? can it be compared at all? idk. but anw if you dislike something unconsciously, it still speaks volume about who you are isn't it? yepppppp. does disliking stupidity make me a horrible human being? but then again my definition of stupid isn't like you do badly in school so you're stupid. it's just some people's way of thinking, no one in particular, just in general, they irk me. some times i'll see a comment, or i'll look at people on the streets then i'll ask whyyyyyyyy. oh, look at my judgmental eyes. but come on everyone's judgmental. i've believed in this since forever, even when they preached the DON'T JUDGE bullshit.

anw, i'm kinda excited for school...it's like a brand new beginning, and i love beginnings, starting over, throwing away everything etc etc. idk, i just really like changes. but otoh i still wanna be a leech at home. if it wasn't for the jung i wouldn't even feel guilty about spending too much money and go to work. i'm running away to china again soon, haven't been there in like 2 years and that's pretty unusual for me, given that we usually visit china at least once a year. it'd be summer this time though, unlike the usual winter that i like. summer would mean sweat, sweat errrrrrywhere, ugh sounds gross but i'm actually looking forward to it this time. not the sweat of course, but again, the idea of running away to another country where nobody can find me. doesn't it sound appealing? plus xiaolongbao yumz.

can you believe it, i'm going to be 20 this year.

lol@this whole post, so disjointed and crappy. ahh yes i'm feeling crappy. probably should type some shit at work tomorrow to kill time, since my workplace doesn't have internet and the computer's running on windows xp. can't run away either, unless i run to malaysia.

This is a story of a fat lizard.

One day, a lizard was bored. So he decided to go down to the sink because why not. There were a lot of ants near the sink. Slurp slurp, he ate them all. Then the lizard became fat and he couldn't climb up. He decided to chill and wait till he shits them out. But then he fell asleep.

 "ssssss, ssssss." The sound of running water woke the lizard up.
  "Wae you disturb me from my sleep", the lizard thought when he slowly opened his eyes.
 "OH NOES!" The lizard panicked when he saw a hand reaching for the unwashed bowl that he was covered with.
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEK WHAT THE SHIT!" The girl shrieked.

Soap splattered errrrrrwhere. The lizard was exposed.

"Eww, wae is it black, I think it's dead." Girl 1 said to Girl 2. Oh Girl 2 is Girl 1's sister.

 "Bitch please, I'm not dead." The lizard thought, so he wriggled a little.

"EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW" shrieks errrrwhere.

Girl 1 figured that the lizard would wriggle away eventually, since it's still alive. But her sister thought otherwise, since the lizard was too fat to climb up the sink. He would attempt to climb up, but plomppppppp, down he goes again. Alive or dead, there was no way the lizard could remain. The lizard was still in the sink, but the girls had to get the bowls washed. Their parents just went on a one week holiday, so the lizard couldn't stay there for one whole week.

Ottoke though? No one was willing to grab the lizard with their bare hands, duhhhhz. Girl 2 tried to help the lizard climb up the sink by offering a old chopping board as a lift. Girl 1...stood there and laughed. The lizard was now wet and scared, so he moved away instead. Screams errwhere.

"Wae is he so stupid?! I'm TRYING TO HELP!" Girl 2 shouted in despair.

Girl 1 laughed hehehehehe. Plus Girl 2 was wearing a NUSSU shirt which was funny because it was yellow and red and hence funny.

Girl 2 continued with her attempts, she took out a pair of wooden chopsticks and wanted to kiap that lizard out but eww who does that, right? So she wanted to fling it out instead, but again, who does that? So that pair of wooden chopsticks were opened for nothing. 20.3422386 minutes passed and the girls were still in the kitchen, trying to get the lizard out. It was the girls v.s. that lizard.

Girl 1 was waiting to eat her cereal and watch Castle because Detective Kate Beckett, so she wanted Girl 2 to leave the lizard there. But Girl 2 was convinced that the lizard would die in the sink because the lizard would climb a little, PLOMP it goes back again and the cycle repeats. Girl 2 was extremely disgusted by dead things, but Girl 1 was a little less afraid and yknow, waiting to eat cereal and watch Castle, so she told her sister that she would take care of it with gloves if it ended up dead.

What has that lizard got to lose though? The sink was spacious, he could probably invite all his lizard friends and have a lizard party in that sink! 1904028920813 lizards in a sink, that's pretty cool. But by then he was pretty tired from getting splashed, I mean who likes getting splashed in the face. And the lizard's colour changed. It became white, slimy, gooey, just super gross and puke-inducing in general. So it was probably pretty sick already. Maybe dying, even.

Time passed and Girl 1 finally persuaded Girl 2 to leave that lizard alone for the time being. So hi, cereal and Castle.

When the girls came back, the lizard was gone.

Where did the lizard go? Dun, dun, dun...

Decisions.

In life there will be times that require us to make decisions, even though it's not our own decision to have to make a decision. Should I sacrifice sharing for the sake of my privacy? Should I sleep now or should I type drivel? Should I write this like a GP essay? Should I continue with 'should I's? No matter how insignificant they are, these are all decisions to be made. As I get older, I realise that the ramifications of my decisions are now greater, and some will even dictate my future. This would probably mean that I would have to be more responsible for my own decisions. But I hate responsibility.

I used to be more insouciant and followed my instincts for almost everything, which is why I could make decisions easily, but nowadays I find myself holding back on certain things. I've completed the last stage of my driving course a week ago, but initially tbh, I was reluctant to learn driving, not because I wouldn't like to drive in future. Driving is a useful skill and it would be beneficial for both my family and I because it would mean that there would be one more member in the family who could drive, and I could chauffeur them when the time asks for it, plus I hate squeezing on public transports. Eventually I decided to learn driving, and driving would also mean that I'VE BECOME A RESPONSIBLE ADULT AND I MUST CHECK MY LEFT AND RIGHT BLIND SPOT, PRACTISE DEFENSIVE DRIVING, BE 100% ALERT, NOT ROLL-BACK, NOT MOUNT/STRIKE THE KERB (FOR NOW). IT'S ALSO POSSIBLE TO KILL SOMEONE WITH THAT MACHINE. In short, the consequences are dire if I don't handle this properly.